Self-Confidence Check-up
How does Kyuki-Do Martial Arts help nurture and develop self-confidence? Kyuki-Do Martial Arts uses the martial arts training to provide perfect coaching opportunities of proper praise accompanied by clear expectations and accountability. Even better, many of the techniques we use can also be used at home and even at school. Curious? Read on!
Praise “no matter what” is a perfect title to a topic called “coddled kids.” If all they ever hear is how amazing they are, they stand the chance that they may entirely miss the fact that effort will be needed outside their home to truly succeed. This sets them up to fail and quit new efforts when the new efforts do not immediately generate that instant gratification. With entitlement or “coddled kids” the level of effort and quality is less important than the praise they have begun to expect. This is not a suggestion to stop praising. It is instead an invitation to make your praise valuable and impactful. Consider this; praising earned is praising appreciated and therefore more likely to create a memory and a need to repeat the desired behavior.
Praising a child for a truly great performance on a task or expectation should be easy to recognize as a good idea. Praising for a truly earned reason “should” be obvious but sometimes families forget to do this. Self-esteem and self-confidence is developed through positive reinforcement so make sure we are not just correcting the poor behavior but also praising the behavior we want.
Our martial arts programs focus on self-control and respect. These two are absolutes but each student achieves them at their own pace. We clearly demonstrate what we expect, then we explain what we expect, then we try it and then we correct. This process is repeated until we see success. During this process the failures every student experiences need to be promptly addressed while successes are celebrated. In the case of failures, we use, and so can you, the P.I.P. process, (Praise, Improve, Praise.)
To make this easy to understand, remember this; there is always something positive to say. The key is to wrap the correction we want in complimentary empowering thoughts. For example, a student is staring out the window while kicking during class time. My response to correcting the lack of focus would be as follows: “Johnny, I love how hard you are kicking but keep your eyes on your target, then you will see how incredibly high your kicks are!” The reason this works is because no-one wants to hear only what they need to do better. Everyone likes to hear what they do well. Most of us start to doubt the praise if that is all we ever hear. By creating the P.I.P. ( Praise, Improve, Praise) experience students can feel good about themselves, even while acknowledging what they need to do to be better. This also speeds up the truly earned praise every student wants to hear and helps their self-confidence thrive!
Confidence is grown, learned and nurtured. It can be destroyed as fast as it is created so stay aware and keep an open mind to learning new approaches. Whether training here in martial arts or outside the dojo, the process of building self-confidence changes as growth occurs. Remember to find the “special.” Everyone has something that they are good at and makes them feel special. Look for it and recognize it. They will remember that you did!
Set goals and stick to them. Make goals clear and agreed upon. Set reasonable expectations and check back often to make sure progress is noted. Make corrections or address challenges positively and promptly rather than waiting until the goal collapses to react to a simple failure. Hold them to it! We do not ask for anything that we will not stand firm on until they produce it. In other words, if you want a specific behavior, keep trying until you get it. Accountability, ends entitlement and encourages growth. Use the P.I.P. approach, as we do, but stick to it.
Have they failed? Have them explain why a poor decision was the wrong one rather than you telling them. This includes them in the process of correcting and even helps them see the solution before you ever utter it. As you agree on the solution, ask them to commit to making the next effort to accomplish not only the fix of the immediate failure but also to seeing the ultimate goal succeeded as well.
Failure is inevitable and should not be seen as a bad thing. Failure is an opportunity to learn. Remember, they respond to how we respond. One of my mentors once told me “the secret to a good life is not over or underreacting to life’s challenges.” Be careful not to over celebrate but definitely avoid over correction. Calm correction with the failure being seen as a path to avoid rather than a path to pain, will help children face failures with less stress and with an “I can do it” attitude. Encourage your children to try new things, try doing things their own way, face challenges and take risks.
I tell them I love to watch them succeed, which is a great thing for them to hear from you as well. Tell them you enjoy watching them learn! Finally, above all else, appreciate the little things and be proud of the mini versions of yourself that you are mentoring every day! You are building memories as well as future leaders. Enjoy the process as part of the journey!
-Master Moniot
Confidence is Learned. Nurture it through the best martial arts in Nicholasville and Lexington Kentucky! Check out what we can do for your family! www.akflexington.com
Check out a few other key concepts we develop every day in our martial arts classes:
- Courtesy
- Humility
- Integrity
- Perseverance
- Self-Control
- Indomitable Spirit
