Who likes being scolded?
I used the word “scolded” intentionally. It has a negative and very unpleasant connotation. To be clear, simply scolding is exactly that generally. When corrections to a child’s behavior take place the ability to change the approach according to how the child interprets the correction is important. Scolding itself can cause as much trauma as direction.
Praise – Improve – Praise
In other words, purely positive approaches work on some but not all. In other cases, bluntly straight forward direction to stop or improve a behavior also works on some but not others. Somewhere in the middle is usually where we find the best result. We call it Praise – Improve – Praise. That simply means tell them you see their good followed by what you want corrected then finished with a stated positive observation again. The intention is to let it be absolutely clear we see the good in them while asking for more. This typically leaves them able to recover from the negative feeling of being corrected quicker and with a known safer path to the correction desired.
Loved and Capable
I am going to change my term from here on from scolding to correction. Correction followed by rebuilding helps build confidence primarily by transforming a mistake into a learning experience, fostering emotional resilience, and repairing the connection to provide a secure base for future attempts. This process, often referred to as “connection before correction” or “repairing harm,” ensures that a child or individual feels loved and capable, even after failing or misbehaving.
You decide how you react…
I am not one who believes every child needs a trophy. I believe that the feelings that come with failure or perceived failure are the exact reason we as parents and coaches exist. It is not the always happy perspective that creates strength. What builds confidence and mental strength is learning we have support even when we fail. Realizing we are not looked down upon even when we are told we are failing. Being able to “roll with the punches” figuratively speaking, is learned and not natural for most of us. You decide how you react….but you learn this, it is not automatic. Our kids are ready and willing to learn this.
It’s Okay
It is ok to fail. It is okay to be wrong. It is okay to have high goals. It is okay to succeed. It is okay to be the best. It is okay not to be. Learning through successes and failures with support and growth in mind will make our future leaders better and stronger than we will ever be! Set clear expectations, hold them accountable and celebrate both triumphs and corrections alike.
Confidence not scolding
Being corrected can be stressful! How we learn to deal with stress will forever shape us. Building confidence through correction, discipline, accountability, perseverance and empowerment! One more reason why training in the martial arts, here at AKF Lexington Martial Arts, gives your kids an advantage in life not worth ignoring.
Learn On!
